Moving On
by Saiyasha Misamurai
Summary: Candy was a pretty normal girl, more or less. At least she tried to be. It wasn't her fault her hair was stark white and she had soap in her purse and every possible force in the universe was setting her up for a fall. Well, things can only get better, right? Right?
1. Chapter 1

"Your gum belongs in the garbage can, NOT the trophy case locks, Mr. Erlone!" The principle bellowed over my head. I cringed, looking in the direction of the offender. A young student was scurrying down the hall, a wad of gum falling to the floor behind him. "Sorry, dear," the woman turned to me, "You know how first days are."

I smiled and laughed nervously. No. Not really.

It was my first time starting the year at an actual school. I was enrolled in public school the prior year after Mom and Pop... well, I don't need to bore you with that. But yes, I went for half of last year at East Mountain High, and before that I was home-schooled. But at E.M. I was at least living with grandma. Now I'm all by myself in a strange city, and... oh, I don't know. It's hard to explain, but up until a few months ago my life was simple. Really, really simple. Now everything's different... the whole world's upside-down.

"Miss Carson, _please _put a sweater over that shirt before I have you sent home!" Mrs. Cecilie was shouting again. A scandalized young lady hastily shoved her arms in her jacket, scowling. From the crowd of students burst an out-of-breath man in his forties, who doubled-over before us.

"Mr. Landier?"

"Ma'am, there are two very upset parents arguing outside. I'm afraid it might get violent."

"Oh, for heaven's sake. Alright, call security and I'll be there shortly." The man nodded and ran off again, and Mrs. Cecilie turned to me. "I'm sorry, dear; the first day is always the most chaotic."

"It's okay."

"I'm afraid I'm going to have to take care of this. Go see Nathaniel; he's the student body president. He can help you sort out everything you need to complete your registration. You'll find him in room 2PA."

"Thank you, ma'am." My voice was drowned out by the chatter, but she was already headed to the front doors so I guess it wasn't a big deal.

One thing I've never liked; hallways. I mean, I know they're important but they just seem so... ridiculous. The lockers sort of remind me of a prison, and when everything looks the same it's so easy to get lost. That's one problem I've always had; I could be walking down the street I was raised on, but spin me in a quick circle and I may as well be in China.

I wandered aimlessly for a time when the first bell rang. Like magic, the cluttered hallway seemed to clear up immediately. Suddenly I was a lonesome girl in an empty corridor clinging to the words '2PA'. Nathaniel, student body president. I was on a mission.

I was currently in the seventh wing of the building, but when I inspected a map it became apparent that the names of the wings had no rhyme or reason. The wings on either side of this one, for example, were labeled 'F3' and '9', respectively. I managed to locate wing 2, though, and after ten minutes of wandering up and down desperately trying to figure out _where _ they put the numbers on the door -I swear, they go out of their way to hide those stupid little plaques- I arrived before the one I was looking for.

"H-hello...?" I peeked in to see an empty room. I stepped in further to look around the door, thinking perhaps I'd just missed someone, but I became intensely aware of the fact that I was walking in without permission. "Okay... no one here." Back to the office, then.

"Can I help you?"

I nearly jumped out of my skin, whirling around and smacked my fingers pretty good on the door-frame in the process. There was a boy standing there, smiling down at me.

"Um, uh, well..." I stammered, rubbing my hand gently. I don't know why, I guess it was sort of like getting caught with your hand in the cookie jar, just a little bit. And then getting your fingers crushed under the lid.

"Did you need someone from the student council? Most of them are in class now, but maybe I can help you." He had a very friendly smile.

"I'm supposed to talk to Nathaniel," I finally got out. "About my registration."

"Oh," he gave a look of mild surprise, "Well, that's me. Why don't we go in, and I'll take a look."

Nathaniel was a very attractive boy. Not that I was _really _looking, but that's just something you're supposed to say about a boy, whether he really is or not; that's what Mom always taught me. But Nathaniel really was. He had blonde hair, which kind of threw me off for a second -I have this stigma about blondes- but he's very friendly and you forget about his hair when you talk to him.

He said that some of my electives had fees, and I'd need to submit a school-appropriate photo for my ID, but other than that my registration was complete and I could go to class.

"Today?"

"Yes, today. It's only first hour now, so you won't need to miss much."

"O-okay, thanks for your help."

"You can pay your fees to the business office and bring your photo to me, and- wait, one moment..."

I watched him hesitantly, "Is something wrong?"

"No, no, I just can't find the medical background sheet... We have your immunizations, transcripts..." he mentally checked off the items as he flipped through the folder, "That's strange. It's not here."

"What's the form for?"

"It just tells us if you have any allergies, illnesses, asthma, things like that. It's also got your emergency contact information."

"Oh, well I could tell you all of that right now."

"Well, you could, but your parents would have to sign off on it."

Oh.

"If you'd like I can give you a new one and you can bring it back tomorrow."

I thought about explaining to him the circumstances surrounding my enrollment, that the whole reason I'm transferring here is the same reason my parents can't sign that paper, but it wasn't really anything I felt like delving into. All I said was "Will I have to miss school today?"

Nathaniel bit his lip and looked up at the clock. "You know, you're not _supposed _to go to class without the form, for liability reasons, but I think you could get away with it. It'll be our little secret," he winked.

I stared a little dumbfounded- was the student council president telling me to break a rule? A very, very big rule? He honestly didn't seem like the type. I decided not to look a gift-horse in the mouth, though, and smiled in return. "Okay," I whispered sneakily.

He laughed a little and handed me a piece of paper, "There's your schedule, oh, and here's your locker. Don't lose that, if someone gets your combination, well, that's pretty self-explanatory." I nodded. "I think, beyond that, you're all set. Good luck."

* * *

I sighed to myself. It was lunch. I hadn't packed anything because I didn't expect them to enroll me so soon, and I didn't have a lot of money. Fifty dollars to last until next week, and it was only Monday. I had enough food at home, but I owed twenty-five dollars in school fees, not counting the cost of my photo. I was running low on dish soap at home, too.

I mournfully shut my locker, only to shriek in fear at a green, bug-eyed creature staring up at me. It took me a minute to regain my composure.

"Oh, Ken! Don't sneak up on me like that!" I scolded. Everywhere I go he's always- wait a minute.

"Ken, what are you doing here...?"

"I transferred schools! I heard that you were moving after they sent your grandma to the retirement home, so I thought I'd come too."

"Oh, well, that's... erm, very _sweet _of you, but really-"

"I'm living with my aunt now, she's okay, but I miss my mom."

"Why don't you go back and live with your parents, then?"

"Are you kidding? I couldn't leave you all alone like that! But thanks for worrying about me. Say, after school do you want to look around the campus? It's supposed to be really big."

"Uh..." He gave me an earnest look. What was I supposed to say? "Um, sure."

"Sweet! I'll look for you later and we'll go!" He waved once and bounced down the halls, looking ever-so-pleased. I let my head hit the locker with a _thunk!_

Standing in the hallway at lunchtime wasn't really very appealing, so I figured I'd head to a convenience store and get something small. I had enough to swing it, I calculated. As a matter of fact, they had dish soap there, so I just went ahead and bought some along with an apple and a thing of crackers. I put the soap under my arm and walked back to school that way, eating my lunch and thinking about how nice a hot shower would be after all this and what I should do about Ken. It's a good thing it was only a block away, or I may never have found the school again.

Back on campus, I tossed the apple core in a garbage bin and busied myself with putting the soap and the rest of my crackers in my shoulder-bag.

"Soap, huh?" I heard someone say. "That's an interesting lunch." They spoke with an air of condescendence and I flushed. _Why _couldn't I have just put it in my bag when I left the store? Ugh, sometimes I can be so thoughtless.

I looked up to see a guy; probably a student, but he certainly didn't dress like one. He was wearing a leather jacket with an Avenged Sevenfold t-shirt on; his hair was a deep red that surprised me. I didn't know what caused red-hair, but this guy reminded me that I wanted to find out. My hair is really weird- it's white. Not, like, super-bleached blonde, but _white._ My body doesn't produce a lot of melanin, which kind of makes me an albino, I guess, but it's not that noticeable. I mean, my hair stands out, but besides that I'm pretty normal-looking. At least that's what my family always said.

The guy had his arms crossed and was leaning against the wall, looking amused.

"Oh, hello. My name's Candy; I'm new here."

"Do people from Sweden normally eat soap, or is it just you?"

My brow twitched. I only camefrom the next town over. I mean, Sweden? Really? "Are you this nice to all the girls? Or just me?"

"Just the ones with a taste for household cleaners." I frowned. This conversation was going nowhere. I rolled my eyes and headed toward the doors, trying to remember where my next class was.

"Let me know if that flavor's any good!" He shouted. I just walked faster.

* * *

"Pssst, hey Amber, look; the new girl's talking to Nathaniel."

I vaguely heard the whisper, but I had to focus on what Nathaniel was saying. "It's downtown, sort of by that teen thrift store? It's on Adams Street, and it's a big grey building with a green trim, you can't miss it."

"Okay... is it possible you could show me on a map? I don't know this city very well yet."

"Uh, yeah. Come by before sixth-hour, I'll show you then."

"Okay, thank you."

"No problem."

Nathaniel walked back into the student council room, and I turned to leave when something shoved me into the wall. My bag hit the floor and I looked to see three girls, all a couple years younger than me. One was giving me an ugly sneer.

"So you're the new girl, huh? Why don't you go back to Sweden, nobody wants you here."

… _Seriously? _I hoped this Sweden thing didn't get around too much.

"And stay away from Nathaniel, if you know what's good for you." She flipped her hair the way some girls do and walked away, leaving me to pick up my dripping bag.

Dripping?

I looked inside and saw the cap had popped off my bottle of soap. "Oh, Christ," I swore and took off down the hall and outside.

Thankfully, there was a hose out here, and I dumped the contents of my bag in the grass. My phone, music player, keys, and the form Nathaniel gave me were saturated. I sighed miserably. One bottle of soap had became a mighty big headache.

I took apart my phone and wiped it down, hoping beyond hope that it could be salvaged. The mp3 was a non-essential item, I was sure my keys would survive and I could always get a new form, but the _phone. _I'd have to save for weeks to get a new one.

I felt like a child, sitting there. It was stupid, I know it, but I suddenly started feeling really sorry for myself. I just wanted to go home and cry. I mean, for goodness' sake, it was only _money_, but when the little money you get each week is all you have left in the whole world and a bottle of soap goes and eats a big chunk of it, it's really easy to have an emotional breakdown.

I was on my knees, focusing on my breathing, when I heard my name.

"Hey, Sweden!" Correction. My new nationality. I recognized the voice too, and I deliberately ignored it.

The stupid red-haired guy knelt beside me, "What are you, deaf?"

I grimaced. I wasn't equipped to deal with him right now, so I just turned on the hose and started spraying out my bag.

"Hey, hey! Watch it!" he jumped back about a mile when the water rebounded from in my bag and hit him.

"Oh, I'm sorry, is the tough little schoolboy scared of water?" I asked bitterly.

"Funny. You should do stand-up, you're a real riot. Whajyado, spill your lunch?"

I sprayed the ground at his feet and he leaped behind me. "Relax, it was a _joke_!"

I didn't respond.

"Hey, what's this?" He reached down to pick up a CD.

"That's mine, leave it alone."

"Now, hold on. 'Endeverafter'? You don't strike me as a rock fan."

"Trust me, there are other ways I'd much rather _strike _you."

"Tsk tsk tsk, violent. You know, fighting's prohibited on school grounds."

"Bite me."

"Hey, come on now, I'm trying to be nice here."

"Is that so?"

"Here, I'll even help you with your ugly bag, will that make it better?"

I gave him a pointed look and he shrugged. "Fine. Be that way. But, uh..." He leaned down and whispered in my ear, "you might want to pull your wallet out of your bag. It's looking a little sorry."

"What! ?" I yelped, letting go of the hose in a panic. It flailed madly and managed to soak me from head-to-toe before I gathered the presence of mind to shut it off. I dug into my side pocket and sure enough, my soggy pink wallet was resting snugly inside. When I pulled it out, it _dripped. _The guy walked off looking oh-so-casual, but I didn't pay him any attention. I just collapsed on my back, giving the trees above me a tortured look.

I hate my life.

* * *

"Uh..."

"I know, I tried to clean myself off but there was only so much I could do."

I was in the middle of the student council room. I wasn't dripping, thankfully, but I must have been a sight.

"Are you okay?" Nathaniel looked more concerned really than appalled.

The question made me choke up a little. I didn't want to think about how I was doing. I really didn't.

"Yeah," my voice cracked and I cleared my throat. "Yeah, I'm alright."

"Okay, well I found a map to the dollar store downtown; you follow this and you should get there just fine. The directions are from the school."

"Okay. Thanks."

"Certainly." Nathaniel smiled graciously at me, and I tried to forget about my soggy bag and hair and shoes and everything. If it weren't for his being kind all day I would have given up all hope for the world. He really was a nice boy.

"Oh, right! The form you gave me got ruined, is there any chance you have another one?"

He seemed to contemplate my words for a second and then gave me an apologetic look. "Sorry, you got the last one. I should have made photocopies of it first, but I just didn't think about it."

I gaped. "Wha- but I... well, I-I guess that's okay..." That meant I couldn't come back tomorrow. Maybe Nathaniel would let me get away with it, but with how today was turning out it wasn't a far stretch to think I'd break a leg tomorrow or something. I wanted to cry again. Geeze, I was such a downer today.

Nathaniel suddenly looked very guilty, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to upset you." He reached into a folder and pulled out the form I needed, "That was a joke, but I guess it wasn't a very good one..."

I stared, confused. A joke? A _joke?_ I could have screamed, but I think that was more because of my hysteria than anything else. Instead I just laughed, albeit not very convincingly, and told him it was okay. I thanked him for the form and went to my sixth hour. My nerves were utterly frayed. Maybe gym would be better- I was due for some good fortune.

* * *

I walked into the girl's locker room, saw Amber and her friends changing and walked right back out. Maybe tomorrow, but _not_ today.

Instead I went outside into the courtyard. I wished I hadn't told Ken I'd look around the school with him; I would have much rather gone home. I laid behind a shrub, trying to keep out of sight. I was hungry again. I'd had to throw out the rest of my crackers earlier too. Stupid soap.

There was a crunching sound. "Hello again, Sweden."

"What do you want?" It was that guy again. Why was he even at school if he was never in class?

"You look a little down, so I thought I'd keep you company."

I regarded him with suspicion. "Why would I want your company? All you've done today is insult me."

"Well, sorry. It's how I am. You don't seem that bad though, honest. I could stand to put up with you for a little while." He squatted against the wall, watching me.

"Is that supposed to be a complement?"

"It _is_ a complement! I don't really like people."

I sighed. Adamant.

"So, where are you from, Sweden?"

"Don't call me that."

"Then what should I call you?"

"Don't call me anything."

"Fine. So where are you from?"

"Around."

"What year are you?"

"Why?"

"Curious."

"Twelfth."

"Why did you come here?"

"No reason."

"You just felt like it?"

"Maybe I did."

"Your parents just went along with it?"

"Sure. Why not?"

"Well, it seems a little funny that your parents would move all the way from Sweden just cuz you wanted to."

"I'm NOT from Sweden!" I growled. This was annoying.

He was quiet for a minute.

"You seem really down." He stood up lazily. "Come on, let's go."

"What?" I propped myself up on my elbows. The gravel was starting to dig into my back. "What do you mean? Go where?"

"It's a secret, but it'll cheer you up. Come on, we don't have all day."

I don't know why I did, but I followed him. It seemed harmless at the time. He led me up three flights of stairs and down a bunch of hallways. I was going to have to follow him out too, or I'd be trapped here forever.

We stopped in front of a door and he pulled out a key ring. "Shhhh," he whispered. "No one knows I have this. I use it when I don't feel like being found." And with that he pushed in the door and held it open for me.

A series of stone steps lay beyond, and with one last glance at the hall I was in, I scurried up the stairs, painfully aware that if I got caught I'd likely be suspended from campus before I was even enrolled at the school.

This staircase was rather short compared to the others, but when I reached the landing I was breathless.

We... we were _on the roof!_

Remember that thing about getting lost that I have? And that thing about blondes? Well, I also have this thing about heights. I'm sort of utterly terrified by them.

"Come on, there's a really cool view over there. These people have this Japanese Garden in their backyard, and sometimes its fun throw rocks at the birds down there." He pulled me by the arm and all I could think of was this joke I heard somewhere about someone's dad throwing a lot of rocks at storks. It seemed to fit somehow.

Then I was staring at a fifty-foot drop to a concrete sidewalk below. I gave a small eep and ducked down behind the raised ledge of the building. The guy gave me a funny look.

"What's the matter? Never been on a roof before?"

"I have a thing with heights. And that." I pointed at the cloudless blue above.

"The sky?"

"I get vertigo. If I stare up too much, I mean. It's just so big, and then I get dizzy and feel like I'm falling, and then I try to correct myself so I _don't _ fall, and then I _really_ fall."

"Don't worry, just don't look at the sky. Besides, I wouldn't let you fall. It'd look pretty bad for me if you did, huh?" In spite of the slight, he seemed earnest enough. I took his outstretched hand and let him pull me onto my feet. I felt a bit nauseous, but it was an experience worth having, I suppose. And he was right about one thing; it really is fun to throw rocks at birds.

I guess he really wasn't such a bad guy. He was good for laughs, and he had decent taste in music.

When it was almost time for school to get out we started to head back, and I was feeling a little bit victorious, like I'd conquered an enemy. Really I'd just swallowed my fear, but it's kind of the same, I think. Just before going back inside, I suddenly remembered something I'd meant to ask him but kept forgetting.

"Hey, what's your name?"

"Huh? Oh, right. I'm Castiel." Castiel, huh? Kind of... medieval. In a good way.

He helped me find my way to my locker and then left me to my own devices. I watched him walk off and found myself wondering all kinds of dumb things, like if he had siblings or if he liked to do anything besides throw rocks at birds.

The class bell rang and suddenly I was surrounded by a massive throng of people trying to get outside all at once. Somehow amidst the chaos Nathaniel worked his way to my side.

"Hey, you. How was sixth-hour? Not too bad, I hope."

"Oh, no. It was fine."

"Good. Hey, I never got the chance before, but I meant to show you around the school. Would you like a quick tour?"

"Oh, I'd love one, but I have to wait for someone. I'm really sorry... would tomorrow work?"

"Sure. How about I find you at lunch and I can show you the library? It's really easy to miss if you don't know what you're looking for."

"That sounds perfect, thank you."

He smiled and disappeared in the crowd. Ugh. I just _had _to say yes to Ken. I'm so stupid.

Speaking of the devil, the little green bug-boy popped up in front of me. "Ready?" he asked eagerly.

"Yeah," I said, shrugging. He meant well, anyway. I'd have to keep my temper in check; it would be way too easy to snap at the kid after the day I'd had.

* * *

Home was the most appealing thing in the world when the day was over. After my time with Ken, I had to find my way to the dollar store to get my photo taken, and I didn't look all that amazing in the photo. Also the lady was very cross with me when I handed her a soggy bill. At least it was ten dollars even, so she didn't have the chance to shortchange me.

I was still trying to decide if today had been good or bad when I collapsed on my bed. It didn't take me long before I was out like a light.

I'd take a shower whenever I woke up.


	2. Chapter 2

When I woke up it was maybe nine in the morning. School had been in session for an hour and a half already. Elodie, my case worker- I'd forgotten to give her a call. I needed her to sign my form. Remembering that my phone was currently out of commission, I wondered if forging her name would work… I mean, she'd already signed the paper once. Nathaniel didn't know who she was, it's not like the issue would come up or anything. The more and more I thought about it the better an idea it seemed.

But I still needed a phone... I could get in touch with Elodie later and tell her what happened. She might be able to give me an advance on my income. It was worth a shot.

For now, though, I'd better get to school. I signed the new form and crammed it in a different tote from the one I'd been using yesterday. I was halfway out the door when I caught sight of my reflection in the window.

Same clothes. Disastrous hair. Dirt and bits of grass clinging to me at random. Did I really almost go _outside _like this?

Dropping my keys and my bag, I stripped and shuffled into the bathroom, not totally sure if I was as awake as I'd thought. Oh, right. Breakfast. Don't forget breakfast. So. Shower, eat, dress, leave. Simple enough. Oh, wait. Brush my teeth. Shower, eat, dress, leave, brush my teeth.

Wait… that wasn't right, was it?

The hot water made me forget what I was thinking and for a moment I almost fell asleep again. Sleeping in the shower is bad; I've done it before, and I don't have a phone to call up an ambulance for when I get hypothermic.

Oh, that reminded me. I'd been working on getting a car. Elodie's been cautioning me not to live outside of my means and that cars are a big expense, but it would make a world of difference. It would be so much easier to get a job if I could drive- then I could be some type of delivery person, maybe. Granted, it wasn't the best case for a car, but it would be really cool. Besides, it was _my _money. Why couldn't I spend it the way _I _wanted?

…Why did hypothermia remind me of cars?

I kept trying to justify cars and phones and money and everything else, but I started thinking too much and it made me sleepy again. So I figured I'd just shoot for looking semi-presentable today. First impressions were pretty much moot by this time, but I still had personal standards.

When I got to the school it was ten- halfway through third hour. I was yawning and my eyes were only half open. It didn't make any sense to me; I'd had a full night's sleep.

Wait… I was supposed to meet Nathaniel today! What time did we agree, morning or lunch? Morning, lunch, morning, lunch, morning, lunch…

I chanted my mantra all the way to art. I figured it might induce some kind of hypnotic state of lucidity in which all things were clear and known, and things like plans I make with vague acquaintances were always scribbled on a sticky note plastered to my forehead.

Ah, well. It was almost lunch, anyway.

"Hey, Swe- er, Candy. What are you doing out of class?" I turned to see Castiel walking in my direction.

"I could ask you the same thing."

He lifted up his hand. "Bathroom pass." Oh. Well, there went that comeback. I was trying to think of a witty remark when he stopped in front of the same door as me. I looked at him expectantly. Well? Was he going to say something or stand there like an idiot? I had a class to get to.

He gave me a confused look before opening the door, and without thinking I huffed.

"I _don't _need doors opened for me _all _the time, you know. I _have _arms. How did you even know this was my class?"

He sent me a dumb expression. "I… didn't…? This is my art class."

I turned bright red all of a sudden. Me and my big mouth. And I had to sound like such a _snob, _too. Beautiful.

He suddenly grinned mischievously, "After you, your _majesty." _I frowned and walked in without looking at him. Why did he have to be such a brat?

"Miss Audelle?" I stopped mid-step, looking back at the teacher.

"Oh, right! Sorry. I'm late."

"Yes, I can see that." He took off his glasses and looked at me, "I can't mark you as 'here'; you're too late for a truancy. You're welcome to stay and work, however."

"Yes, sir. Thank you." I sat down at my desk hastily and was immediately poked in the back.

"So why were you late?" Castiel prodded. _Literally._

"I overslept. How come I didn't see you in here yesterday?"

"I was skipping."

"Why would you skip the first day?"

"Because that's when they have all those stupid games where you toss a ball around and introduce yourself."

"What's wrong with that?"

He shrugged. "I dunno. It' s just really dumb."

"Oh." Whatever. I got up and went to a small drawer with my name on it. The project I started yesterday was in here and I brought it back to my desk for the whole twenty or so minutes I had left to work.

"Hey, your highness, wanna sit with me at lunch? I can introduce you to some cool people."

"Sorry, Castiel. I made plans for lunch already." I think. I _hoped. _"How about tomorrow?"

"Whatever. What plans could you possibly make in the half hour we get for lunch, anyway?"

I opened my mouth to tell him to mind his own business, but the teach suddenly spoke up.

"All right guys, I just got an e-mail. The date's been set for the Open House, and now the teachers are working on putting students into teams. Ninth years' participation is optional, but for years ten through twelve it_ is_ mandatory. It's worth twenty percent of your grade in all your core classes if you're an upperclassman, ninth years' get extra credit, and eighth years are not permitted to take part. If you have any questions, extenuating circumstances, or if you're a ninth year who wants to help, you're supposed to go see a student council rep."

"Ah, and the yearly crapfest begins again." Castiel muttered in an annoyed tone.

I turned to look at him. "What do you mean?"

"Really all this school is is a fairgrounds. Open House, Homecoming, College Readiness Day, Support Your School Day, the Student Fair, International Day, Prom; let's see... I know I'm forgetting some... Oh well, I can't remember. And then there's the seven or so extracurricular activities which sponsor a crap-ton of fund-raisers every year."

"Sounds busy."

"Yeah; do yourself a favor and _don't _join any afterschool programs. Every single one of them has some stupid thing going on all the time. You being a senior, you've already got Senior Breakfast, the Alllnighter, Prom, and Graduation, on _top _of your senior project and passing your classes in the first place, which wouldn't be so hard if they weren't yanking you out of class all the damn time to put together these stupid events."

"Why so much stuff?"

He shrugged. "Beats me. I'm on the basketball teams, and if it's not a game then it's 'polish your equpiment day', or 'sell the most lollipops week', or -and this one's my favorite- 'dress in the dumbest, weirdest, most eccentric thing you can and sit on a street corner with an empty coffee can for change day'."

"Isn't panhandling illegal?"

"Is it?" he screwed up his brow thinking, "Well, I dunno. But we do it every year. One year I stole my mom's bra and put it on over my shirt. I also put Q-tips in my ears and had on this rainbow-colored wig and a poodle skirt."

I snorted abruptly, and quickly tried to cover it up by fake-coughing.

"Hey, for the record, the skirt _wasn't_ my idea."

"Who cares who's idea it was? _You _were the one wearing it!"

"Shut up."

The bell rang and I looked at the clock. Already? I hadn't even got any work done. I resolved to try sitting away from Castiel tomorrow, mournfully aware of the fact that he'd probably follow me all over the classroom.

"So what are your plans for lunch?" Castiel prodded as we left the room. _Again, _literally.

"None of your business," I brushed him off.

"I won't stop bugging you until you tell m-"

"CANDY!" We stopped at the tortured plea that came from our left. It took me a moment to register what I was looking at.

Oh. Dear. Lord.

I gaped at Ken running down the hall with a decent amount of underwear hanging slack over the hem of his pants. He stopped short in front of Castiel and I, looking ready to burst into tears.

Castiel looked surprised for a second, staring at Ken the way one might stare at an alien. Then, for all the grace and tact in the world could not have helped him now, he keeled over in hysterics, slapping his knee and cackling so loud they probably heard him in Sweden.

Erm- Denmark. I meant Denmark.

"Knock it off," I hissed, slapping his shoulder. While I wasn't fond of him, Ken had always been nice to me, and even really helped me out a couple of times. Now he stood, miserable, looking ready to break down right there in the hallway, and I couldn't help but feel badly. After all, I'd had a similarly bad day just recently. I moved to take off my sweater but, realizing it was pink and knowing that wouldn't help matters much, I yanked the jacket off the still-laughing Castiel - "Hey!" - and handed it to Ken. "Tie this around your waist," I said, "And then go to the bathroom and fix yourself up. And make sure to give Castiel his coat back when you're done."

"Hey, what'd you have to take _my _jacket for?"

"It's payback for making such a big scene." I asserted. Castiel pouted. "Don't be dramatic. If you want your coat just go with Ken to the bathroom. Besides," I elbowed him in the arm and whispered, "He'll look totally cool hanging out with a guy from the basketball team. Help the little guy out, huh?"

He looked sour but agreed. "You _owe _me."

"Deal."

And I watched while the two walked off down the hall together, Ken walking stiff and looking dwarfish next to Castiel, and Castiel staring up at the ceiling trying to pretend there wasn't and impossibly small nerd walking next to him, whose underwear was touching his jacket. I got the feeling he was going to hold this against me for a long time.

* * *

Nathaniel was waiting for me at my locker. I internally sighed a breath of relief; it _had _been lunch. He smiled when I got there. "I saw what you did there; that was very kind of you."

I looked back and shrugged, "It wasn't anything special, really. I'm used to him getting into trouble."

"I see." He was strangely quiet for a moment and I was about to ask if he was okay when he perked up again, "Well, are you ready?"

"Yep!"

"Alright; it's a bit of a hike, though. It's on the fourth floor."

"I thought the school only had three stories."

"In the old part of the building, it does. Where they did the reconstruction though, they added a fourth story that belongs entirely to the library. You can't go in unless you have something to work on, but I'm Mrs. Lille's assistant, so I usually just come and go."

"Oh. How do you become a teacher's assistant?"

"It's a class, technically. Most of my classes are me helping teachers, actually."

"You don't have core classes?"

"I do, but they aren't hard. I wind up missing them in favor of my other responsibilities, anyway. I get the homework and take care of it in my free time."

"That sounds like a lot of work." I looked him over. He didn't _look _tired.

"Maybe sometimes."

"Don't you ever have fun with friends?"

He seemed to think for a moment. "Not really outside of school. There's too much to get done."

"You really should try getting out more. Life isn't all about work, you know. It's just a means to an end."

He gave me a funny look, "You're probably right. But I'm not sure where to start. I... I don't have many close friends."

We arrived in at the staircase I'd ascended with Castiel yesterday. I hate these stairs. "Well, you could come hang out with me. I could use someone to show me around the city anyway, so it works out well." We began the climb.

"What would we do?"

"Hmm..." I had to think about that. What do you take the Student Council President to do for fun? If I was going to introduce him to socializing in all its glory, I' d have to think of something he'd enjoy. The Arcade? Or perhaps a concert? I guessed a college party would be out of the question, though I'd caught wind of one that promised to be especially fun. I didn't drink at them - I don't trust drinks from strangers, and anyway Elodie promised to string me up by my toes if she ever caught me drinking again - but drunk people are pretty fun. Plus there's usually a pool. I love pools.

Ugh, I hate stairs. I'm not really lazy or anything - I _loved _the staircase at my apartment - but I just had a problem with the ones at the school. Don't ask me what it was.

Maybe I could get a bunch of people together and we could all go to the ocean. Big group things were always fun, and if Nathaniel started feeling left out or shy I could come to the rescue with my amazing personality to cheer him up. It was foolproof.

We reached the first landing.

"Well, I'm thinking about heading to the beach with a few friends one of these weekends. Bonfires, swimming, burnt food, decent company; it's a lot of fun. Wanna go?"

"It depends on when it is. We have the Open House coming up, and Saturdays everyone has to help with planning."

"Oh. Well, we can do it afterwards."

"I usually stay late."

"So knock off early just this once; I'll even help you pick up the slack if you want. Isn't relaxing the whole point of this?"

He smiled sheepishly, "I guess so. Sorry, I'm a workaholic."

"That can kill you, you know." The conversation died down a little.

Landing number two. Three more flights.

"So, can I ask you something?" Nathaniel spoke up.

"Sure."

"I'm not trying to get you in trouble or anything, really, I'm just curious..."

Okay... that sounded slightly foreboding. "What is it?"

"Well, that form that you needed for enrollment? I got the one you handed in this morning, and while I was putting it away I found the first one. I guess I misplaced it... but when I looked at both of them, I noticed the signatures looked different. The original form had the same handwriting as all the other forms, but the later one..."

"...Was different." Crap. Why did he have to have such attention to detail?

"Your mother signed it already. I guess I'm just curious why she couldn't sign it again."

"She's out of town," I tried to smooth over, but choked on my words. _Your mother. _I had finished grieving for her months ago, I thought, but something about what he said... the _way _he said it. It sounded normal. A year ago I would have talked about moms with the same nonchalance he had. Now things like that were just a big fat reminder of... everything.

I tried to keep lying, but emotion overwhelmed me. Nathaniel couldn't see this. No one could. It was a matter of pride.

To cover up my sobs I started coughing. I knelt down on the stairs and wrapped my arms around my torso, hacking like there was no tomorrow in an effort to keep what little face I had in tact. Maybe it was shallow, but I couldn't bring myself to expose my miseries to a complete stranger like that. Besides, it wasn't his problem. I wouldn't trouble him with it.

"Are you okay! ?" Nathaniel looked panicked.

"W-water, please..." I choked out. He nodded and headed back down to the second floor.

I felt bad, making him worry like that, but I didn't know what else to do. I took this as an opportunity to wipe my face off and calm down. I could explain being red and puffy with a lack of oxygen, and I might even be able to get away with watery eyes, but the more I played this down, the better.

"Here you go," he almost tripped trying to get the water to me. He looked frantic and I felt horrible for deceiving him.

"Thank you." I sounded raspy, which helped sell my fake episode.

"Will you be all right?"

I nodded while I sipped the water. I had a lump in my throat and it hurt to swallow. "I had something caught in my throat is all. I just need a minute, I should be okay."

He nodded, but I caught him peering at me. I flushed at the thought; had he noticed I'd been crying?

"You were saying about your mom?"

I was prepared for it that time. "She left town to visit my aunt. She won't be back until next week, and I couldn't afford to miss that much school. I know I shouldn't have done it, but I couldn't think of what else to do."

"I see." He was always saying that. "Well, it's all right. We have the real signature, so no harm, no foul, right?"

"Sounds good to me." I finished my water and stood. "I'm feeling better, now. Thank you for rescuing me," I laughed, tossing the paper cup into a garbage a few feet below.

"It was my pleasure," he smiled in return.

* * *

The library was _huge! _I'm not the most frequent reader, personally, but I will enjoy a nice story now and then. And I've always wanted to be in a library where you have to climb those sliding ladders to get to some of the books. I actually convinced Nathaniel to give me a quick push on one when Mrs. Lille wasn't looking; the most fun I've ever had in a library. Ever.

He showed me some busts and paintings of Jacques DuPont, the author of _Sweet Amoris_, for which the school had been named.

"What's it about?" I asked. He seemed pleased that I was so interested.

"It's a romantic tragedy that sets itself apart from other stories. Like Romeo and Juliet, for example; it's a classic, but it's time-worn and the plot is really hackneyed, to put it bluntly. Sweet Amoris is about a girl who loses everything and is sent off to live with an old relative she barely knows. The first part is her living there, and the whole point of it is to show the reader the degradation of the humanity of a person in the face of tragedy. It's sort of like an insight into ourselves; we never know how we're going to react when something like that happens. It' supposed to show us our darker side."

Boy, did that sound familiar.

"Then when the old relative dies, she has to live in a sanatorium with a bunch of clinically insane patients."

_Really _familiar.

"The point of that is to show us the ugliness of man; what we can become is in the patients, and what we already are is in the woman and her judgement of them. Then she falls in love with a doctor who marries her, but he catches tuberculosis and dies, leaving her to be a rich widow. The last line is hers, saying 'It is a terrible life to have all the necessary means for any earthly desires, but to have your one desire no longer earthly.' It's a change from her outlook before, because she kept saying that survival was the only thing of value, and that she only lived to spite fate."

I'd been listening closely. I don't know why I found his analysis so fascinating, but I really wanted to read that book now. I was going to ask him another question when the lunch bell rang. It was time for class.

"Lunch is over already? That was fast," Nathaniel observed, looking at his watch. "I guess we better get going."

I nodded, "Yeah." I'd forgotten to eat, but I hadn't been feeling very hungry today. If I still wasn't hungry after school I'd force something down.

* * *

School was out, again. I was relieved and the moment I was outside I immediately went to the nearest empty tree and promptly fell asleep. I jerked awake ten minutes later when someone tapped on my shoulder. I let out a squeal and sat up, armed with a Sharpie and a glare.

Ken stood next to me, looking quite serious for him.

"Hey, Candy? I just wanted to... to thank you. I don't know what I would have done if you hadn't helped me."

"Oh, sure. Anytime, Ken."

"You're the best," he remarked shyly, and before I could dodge he snuck a kiss on my cheek and ran off. I slapped my cheek and rubbed sourly. That one really needed a lesson in personal space.

"So... what were you doing sleeping out here?" Castiel appeared from behind a tree.

"I'm tired. So what?"

He shrugged, "Whatever. So what's the story with you and that nerd?"

"Ken?"

"You guys seem pretty chummy for a couple of new students."

"Well, I wouldn't say we're _chummy, _exactly, I just know him is all."

"Huh. Well anyway, the principle's looking for you. You ought to talk to her before you leave."

"Oh; yeah, sure."

"See you around." He waved farewell rather lazily before shuffling off down the path.

* * *

"I would very much appreciate it if you could help one of our school clubs. They're a bit overworked, so if we can fill them up then the workload will be less for everyone."

I groaned internally. More responsibility? As if I needed it, but the way she posed the question made it clear I wasn't being given much of a choice.

"Um, what club?" I asked hesitantly, remembering Castiel's firm statement that I had enough to worry about and a club was the last thing I wanted.

"We have openings in either basketball or gardening, pick whichever one you like and come to me with your answer tomorrow morning."

"Alright, then..."

"Wonderful! Have a nice day!" She looked so terribly pleased and I couldn't help but feel like I'd been duped.

* * *

Basketball or gardening. Hm. Castiel was on the basketball team. I wasn't yet sure if I considered that a pro or con. I'm not that awesome at basketball. Gardening I'm also appropriately miserable with, though, so I guess same difference. I just had to decide which I liked better- sweaty dirt, or _dirt _dirt.

Mom had a garden, when I was little. I used to help her with it sometimes. Maybe... maybe gardening would be the right choice for me. For mom. I would do it for mom. I'd learn all about plants now, so one day when I was all grown up and married with children or whatever it is that people do, I could start a flower bed in her honor. She'd like that, I think.

I continued to think of my mother, and began to imagine she was lying next to me, holding my hand and stroking my hair like she did when I was little. She was smiling. Then dad was sitting at my bedside, his hand on my forehead. He was stroking my eyebrow with his thumb, messing up the hairs so they looked funny but it was all right.

I fell asleep that night with my parents by my side, and suddenly school didn't matter very much anymore.


	3. Chapter 3

_Okay, okay, I'm back. Yeesh, make it sound like you're dying why doncha. Pfft... reviewers._

"So how is school so far...?" Elodie asked conversationally while I took my seat. She was rummaging through a disaster on her desk, "I had your check here somewhere, I know it..."

"Maybe you should just send it in the mail."

"Don't dodge the question just because I seem busy."

I blew out a puff of air. I wasn't _trying _to dodge- I was just saying.

"School's alright, I guess. The same as it's always been."

"Any friends?"

"The normal amount."

"None." She seemed to find my check and sat down with her gaze on me.

"It's not as bad as you make it sound. It's better to keep my distance. It helps me focus on school."

"Candy, school is good but you moved here for _recovery. _You need to socialize, for yourself."

"I _am _socializing. I talk to people every day."

"Yes, but are you making any connections?"

"It's only been a week! Should I have spilled my life story to a total stranger by now?" I was getting growly. I don't know why I felt so defensive. Maybe it's cuz I felt pushed, I don't know. I just figured I'd start talking to people when I was ready; I didn't realize I was supposed to force it.

"You don't want to connect because you're afraid of losing someone again. You're blocking, Candy; that's what it is. It's East Mountain all over again."

"Maybe it was just too soon for me to move, did you ever think about that?"

"You're the one who asked to leave Courtland. Nothing was forced on you. You came here to run away from what happened. You're trying to start over without making peace; what is it you're afraid of? Are you still in denial after all these months?"

"They're GONE! I get it! I know it! You _don't_ have to keep rubbing it in my _face _like this!" I probably would have been crying if I wasn't so pissed. I don't ever yell usually, and especially not at Elodie, but I just sort of lost it. How come every time I checked in we had to go over this?

Somewhere along the way I'd gotten to my feet. I kicked something and moved for the door.

"Wait," she stopped me. I gritted my teeth, but didn't move otherwise. I felt the envelope jab my hand awkwardly. "Don't forget that."

I eased a bit and took the paper, feeling somewhat guilty. She really was just looking out for me, but I didn't want to face that right now. I needed an enemy, and she was awfully convenient.

I shoved the check in my bag and slammed the door.

* * *

"Candy?" I jumped in surprise. The voice was vaguely familiar, but I'd fallen asleep on the bus. If I were asked, I probably wouldn't have even been able to name the year. Looking around warily, I saw a familiar girl, form my class. What was her name? Isis, Irene...?

"Iris," she seemed to read my mind. "We have a few classes together."

"Oh, hi! Sorry, I'm a little out of it..."

"I can tell," she smiled. "We've reached the bus station."

"Oh! Cool, thanks." I stumbled to my feet, snatching my bag as quickly as I could, following my classmate onto the platform.

"So where are you headed?" Iris asked.

"The bank. You wouldn't happen to know where it is, would you?"

She laughed pleasantly, "Which one? This is a big city."

"I think it's called like City Trust or something."

"Oh, that one has a thing inside the station. It's near the top of the escalators. I'm headed that way anyway; I'll show you."

I get along well with Iris. She's very pleasant. It was about time I found someone kind of normal.

We talked for a bit on the way up the escalator, which almost wasn't long enough for me. We didn't talk about anything in particular, but I think that's what was nice about it. It was nice to just shoot the breeze with someone a little like me. A little bouncing bubble in the back of my head was telling me this was what Elodie had been talking about, but I was still content to be mad at her so I ignored the bubble for now.

"Right there. Well, see you at school," Iris waved goodbye and I felt a little lost when she left. I didn't notice it at first, but talking with her was just like talking with my friends. When I was at home, I mean. It almost felt like me again. Before I ever had to start caring about who I was.

Back when it seemed like I had forever to figure that out.

* * *

Saturday. Just got a check. Twelve-hundred dollars for the month. Seven-fifty for the apartment. Two-hundred for food. Fifty bucks for my phone plan. Seventy-five for my internet. The last one-twenty-five was typically for toiletries, clothes, and such, but I'd have to give up most of that for a new phone. I hadn't mentioned anything about that to Elodie, and I wasn't about to call her back. I'd just cut it close this month and hope I'd be spared any unexpected expense.

But it was Saturday! And I was being horribly depressing lately. I needed to find something to do. But who to ask?

Well, assuming I had my dates and times correct, I had a couple of options.

The school was mostly empty, except for the gym and the courtyard. After telling Miss Cecilie that I would help the Gardening Club, I got nothing but grief from Castiel who, after criticizing me for not following his initial advice and staying away from clubs altogether, proceeded to complain about not at least joining basketball to help him out. I told him he made my brain hurt when I spent more than ten minutes in his company. I don't think I've ever gotten such a deadly glare before… then he went and made the witty comment that I find Ken's company preferable to his and that's why I picked gardening. Then he asked why I don't just marry the boy already.

I'm not sure but I think he still has the bruise from that.

Anyway, even though I wasn't _in _the club, I still knew basketball had practice. I wasn't sure exactly when they finished up but it couldn't be too late, could it? So maybe my pseudo "friend" could at least point me in the vague direction of a good time around here. And if not, Nathaniel was working in the courtyard, setting up for Open House.

"Hey, hey. What are you doing here? Don't you have some tomatoes to prune, or something?" Castiel asked, being all snooty like he gets sometimes. He was still mad at me about Ken's wedgie. And the Garden Club. And the bruise.

I wondered vaguely if tomatoes were even in season, and if you were supposed to prune them. I didn't want to say anything though, because I honestly wasn't sure.

"No need to be pouty. I just came to see if you were terribly busy today." I took a seat on the bleachers near the player's equipment. Castiel claimed a seat on the tier below me and took a big swig from his water bottle.

"I might be. Or I might not. What'd you have in mind?"

"I was hoping you could tell me."

"Oh? I'm supposed to drop everything to entertain you now? What do I get out of this?"

"The pleasure of my winning personality."

He snorted obnoxiously and I gave him one of those looks I give just before I pour water over your head or something.

He sighed. "Fine, you win. I'm short on cash though, so you'll have to settle for some no funds fun."

"I can live with cheap."

"Cool. Just let me finish up here."

* * *

I might complain about him a lot, but Castiel's the type of person that's good to have around. Turns out he has a car, which makes me wonder why he's always walking everywhere. We went to that one convenience store with the demon soap and bought a box of cookies and a couple of sodas. He also bought a bag of mini marshmallows and said they were essential to the type of fun we'd be having tonight.

He pulled up into this place a bit uphill from the beach- very foresty. The tree canopy made it seem almost like nighttime. "I know this awesome spot," he was saying. "You can see everything."

And so I followed him. Again. Curiously enough, an actual hike in a real wood wasn't nearly as exhausting as those damnable stairs.

We reached the top of this hill, maybe about ten feet tall, and it had this little cove thing in it. Perfect for tactical cover in a snowball fight. "This is where all the high-schoolers go to make out."

"What! ?" I tripped on something and landed hard on the ground.

"Whoa, hey, are you all right?"

"_Make out?_"

"Hey, don't flatter yourself- and keep your voice down. You want to ruin the fun? I said you can see everything from up here, and you can." He helped me up and I gave him a suspicious look.

He pointed down the slope into the thick of the brush and I could see… Oh, mother Maybelline. I saw some guy's back leaning over the ground, with a pair of bare legs wrapped around his hips. Not an image I want to remember.

"You call this fun? Watching other people have _you-know-what?_"

"It's sex. You know. S-E-X."

"It's _gross, _why would you take me here?"

"Well you liked throwing stuff at those birds; this is a step up. Observe." And with that he tears open the bag of marshmallows, grabs a small cluster of them, and one-by-one begins pelting them at the unsuspecting fornicators below.

I honestly, literally face-palmed. Kinda hurt, too.

There was a shout, and then another and a squeal, and the two half-dressed youngsters fled down a beaten path, half-hopping while pulling up pants and skirts and such. Castiel leaned back, snickering.

"You're ridiculous."

"Hey, it's fun. Besides, if they have to come here to do it they probably shouldn't be doing it anyway."

I was horrified. This was definitely not my brand of humor, and I think Castiel was getting a kick out of that fact too. I started wondering if this was payback for the jacket incident.

"Come on, I'm not taking you home until you try it."

"That's not fair."

"It's perfectly fair, unless you want to walk home."

"You think I won't?"

"I think you _can't_."

I tried to respond with something catty, but he was right. Even if I was able to find civilization again, I'd _never _find my way home. And sadly enough, I didn't doubt he'd deliver on his threat. Damn him.

"Give me that." I swiped the bag from him and canvassed the forest floor, hoping beyond hope that there'd be no one there. As my typical brand of luck would have it, a young couple was going at it against a tree a ways down from us.

I curse teenage hormones.

Focus. Aim. Exhale. It's all in the wrist. Fire.

I squinted. I couldn't tell where it went.

"Wow. You suck."

I furrowed my brows. "Thanks for the encouragement." Holding a couple of the puffy treats in my hand like a pair of dice, I prayed to hit my mark, at least once, if only so I could secure my route home. I try again.

"It's a good thing you didn't join basketball. You can't even get _close_."

"Oh, just shut up," I hiss, and keep trying. Marshmallows have, like, zero weight to them, so getting them to carry any serious distance seemed futile, except that Castiel did it. Consistently well, too. I think I was starting to hate him a little bit.

"Come on, you gotta put your back into it."

"_Shhhhh!_" I hissed. He was messing me up.

It took a couple more failures before I grabbed a fistful, squished them into one giant, sticky lump, and chucked it toward my target. It landed with a fwumpy smack sound on the tree trunk directly above their heads, and when the two looked up, it detached itself from the tree and landed square on the girl's face.

"Aagh, oh my God, what _is _it?" she squealed, swiping it away from her face and running off down the trail. The guy stooped down to poke the wad of marshmallows before following the girl, looking quite obviously confused.

I crossed my arms and looked at my chauffeur expectantly, waiting for him to acknowledge my success. Instead, he scoffed, "That didn't count."

"It did too."

"No, you cheated."

"How was that cheating! ? You never said anything about _how_ I attacked them!"

"You completely ruined the subtle elegance of the sport!"

"It's not a sport and I hardly see what's so elegant about it."

"Oh, whatever. You're no fun."

"Hmph." Okay, so maybe I should have expected this from Castiel. Fine. My bad.

We were in silence for a while, both of us looking rather childish with sour expressions and crossed arms. My sour face must have been more persuasive though, because he caved first.

"Alright, fine. I'll take you home. Happy?"

"Very," I chirped, and stood expectantly.

"Hey!" an angry yell came from beneath us and I looked to see a young man making his way up the hill. "Are you the ones throwing shit at me and my girlfriend?"

My heart practically jumped up in my throat. My jaw kinda fell open a bit too.

Castiel stood up, tossed his arm over my shoulder and grinned. "Could be. Why, did you want to maybe have a pillow fight?"

"Real funny, jackass. You gave my girl a good scare." He was standing on the hill with us even now, but didn't come any closer. I don't think he realized how tall Castiel was until he got closer. I relaxed a little bit- he seemed intimidated. Okay Candy, don't be a victim. Show you're not scared. Be the scary one.

It was simple psychology. I insisted on taking a self-defense class a few months back and I learned well; don't make it seem like you'd be an easy target. Don't look scared; treat them like you'd treat anyone else on the street. If it does what it should, then they'll start to lose confidence. And when all else fails, run like hell.

"Oh, well I'm sorry about that," Castiel was saying, but I think he was mocking the guy. "We didn't mean to spook her. I guess we just got carried away."

I don't think I'd ever seen him look so smug before.

"Well… I'll let you off easy but, um, just, no more, got it?"

"Oh, certainly, sir. We promise to be respectful of people nailing their girlfriends in public from here on."

The guy hesitated, but nodded his head and went back down. I watched as he went back to the girl I'd hit with the giant marshmallow thing. I could barely hear what she was saying, "What the hell, Gabe? You said you'd kick his ass!"

Castiel scoffed and started down the path. "Okay, let's get you home."

* * *

"Ugh," he leaned his head against the seat and grimaced. We were sitting at a red light.

"What's wrong?"

"My stomach. I haven't eaten since breakfast."

Opportunity knocking. "I'll buy you a hamburger if you take me to get a new cell phone."

"Really? That'd be awesome. Burger first," he said and took a sharp turn into a McDonald's drive-thru. I bought a bacon burger for him and sugary, caramel-y iced coffee thing for myself. I have this thing for caramel.

"Okay, phone place."

"Any particular one?"

I shook my head, "Whatever's closest."

"Alright," he was plowing through his burger while going sixty on a crowded arterial. This was safe. A few blocks and two distinctly sharp turns later, we were sitting in front of a random convenience store.

"Cell phones are locked up, you need to ask the guy."

So I went in, asked the guy, got my phone and got back in the car. Easy peasy, short of a hundred dollar price tag. To be fair though, that was for both the phone and a phone card.

* * *

"You live here?" Castiel looked at my apartment building curiously. I nodded. "These are kinda small for you and your folks, aren't they?"

"Have you been here before?"

"A couple of my friends have lived in this building, so I've seen the apartments. Do they have any two-bedrooms?"

"Um, yeah, a couple. Toward the top, where I live." It was true- I _did _rent a two-bedroom. Just, my parents weren't in the other room.

"You mean you live way up there?"

"Yeah. Did you want to see?" Shut up. Shut up. Shut _up. _Was I _trying _to get found out?

He looked at me, "You're inviting me in?"

Too late to back out now. "No, I was asking if you wanted glasses."

"Fair enough. Nah, I ought to head home. Maybe some other time."

"Cool." I got out of the car, "Thanks for putting up with me."

He waved me off, "Don't worry about it. You're not half as annoying as you look."

"Uh, yeah… thanks." I gave him a peace sign in farewell and went up the stairs.

I didn't bother shutting the door. It felt nice to let a little of the outside in. In fact, I opened all my curtains and the windows too. Then I sat on my couch and though about Elodie again.

When they died, it was hard. Really hard. Time moved extra slow then. Everything was surreal. I was always afraid. I was always depressed. I didn't speak to anyone for weeks.

Elodie was kind of like a counselor for me. The bright flashing lights, lots of red ones and blue, and so many sirens. I couldn't tell you what happened sequentially, because that whole time I was all mixy-upy in my head. Then all the voices, and faces. People asking me what I saw, heard, where I'd been, if they had any enemies, if I wanted anything, why I wouldn't speak, why I needed to talk to someone, how I couldn't stay quiet forever because sooner or later I'd need to... to move on.

"_I'm here to help you get through this."_

Then Elodie showed up. At first, I didn't talk to her either. She was just another face, voice. I didn't trust her. But in time... she was the one who convinced me that I wanted to live.

"_He's gone. He can't hurt you. He never even knew you existed, and he still doesn't."_

She was the one who helped me stop being afraid. Afraid that he would come for me.

"_You don't have to hide from people. The facts of life are hard, but the bigger tragedy would be to never have those relationships at all."_

She showed me what I'd been trying not to find out, and she did it because she was afraid I might never face it on my own, and because she knew that I needed to.

I shouldn't run from the cruelty of the world. I should learn from it. I was hiding from people. I didn't want to make connections, and it was because I was scared to lose them. Everything she'd said was true, and I knew it. I knew it when Iris showed me the ATM. I knew it when Castiel agreed to goof off with me today.

Those interactions, the little exchanges between other people that we take for granted, mean something. We're not alone. We rely on each other. We'll help complete strangers more often than we'll hurt them, because the good in people is greater than the bad.

Once I activated my phone, I gave Elodie a call. I didn't say much- not even a sorry –but I did say I wanted to talk again, and that I felt bad. I scheduled another appointment with her and hung up.

Food. Eating would be a good idea before going to sleep. Maybe closing up the place too. It was getting kind of chilly.

I fell asleep on the couch halfway through a TV dinner and an episode of Law and Order. Tomorrow was Sunday. Another day to kill. Maybe I'd shut in and watch movies. Or do homework. That's what I should do.

Oh well. Sleep now. Think later.


End file.
